I wrote this to myself a while back, almost 2 year ago, when my world shifted completely.
I wrote it for the purposes of comforting myself, and to assure myself that I hadn’t failed, but was just changing course and going in another direction in life.
Back then when I was writing it, the words carried more ambivalence than hope. There was more worry than wonder, and definitely more fear than strength. Today, I read it back (and when I say I read it… I mean I truly read it.)
This letter was written to a girl who perceived her life as a complete failure, but was to be told that it simply wasn’t. This was for her…
For the woman who feels she has failed.
“I know you feel pretty down right now. You’re going through a lot. You have a million and one things rushing through your head, all at once, and it’s hard to make sense of it all. I understand.
I know you’re also extremely self-conscious at the moment, questioning your life decisions and looking back on some of the things that have happened in your life. I know you have trouble making important decisions, and then wonder if you might have made a mistake. I know you doubt yourself a lot.
I also know you are frightened, alone and vulnerable. I know you feel completely isolated in a world full of people. I know you feel alone most of the time and have trouble telling people how you really feel. I know you struggle a lot when interacting with other people. It’s okay. I do, too.
I’m aware that the world scares you and you are intimidated easily. I know that this life isn’t easy, for anyone, at any point, and that that concept makes you even more fearful of the future. I know that you hide away in your head most of the time because life is easier inside your mind, where you feel you aren’t bothering anyone around you and that you have a space that is your own.
I know you feel like you don’t belong here and that you don’t fit in. I know you struggle with your identity a lot and who you are. I know you ask yourself at least once a day “What is my purpose?” and that you hope that an answer comes back. I know you have a hard time letting people into your life (especially your mind) because you are afraid of being hurt…
I also know you take risks. You are brave and courageous and you never shy away from something when you’re passionate about it. You don’t let fear of being hurt stop you from taking the chances on things you believe are worth it.
I know you hate giving up on people, including yourself. I know that when you become invested in something, it becomes your everything. That small part of you that you can put all your TLC into and hope to have it grow into something more. I know you are much more than you think you are.
I know the self-doubt takes a huge toll on your life. That you constantly feel regret (even though admitting otherwise) about decisions that you’ve made because you cannot come to terms with the idea that there was nothing you could have done to change the outcome. I know you struggle with this and it is the core aspect of your anxiety.
I know deep down, you want to help others. You want to be a positive influence to people. You want people to see the best in you – that you are the best version of who you can be. You want to nurture and to love, to spread compassion, to hold and be held, and to be something to someone.
I see you. I know what you’re feeling. I know you might roll your eyes when I say this but…
Life is crazy. Life is messy. Life is hard.
You are not your mistakes, your life decisions, or your failures. You are not your regrets or your fears. You are not defined by a single moment in time. You are exactly what you need to be, right here, in this moment. Presently assessing yourself and appreciating what you have right now.
It may be little, or it may be a lot. It may be amazing or it may suck. But this is where you are. You are HERE. You are here for a reason, whether you want to believe that or not (or you’d be somewhere else).
You are just on an alternate course to your destination.
Everything will arrive there as it is intended to. Things have a way of working themselves out.”
You did not fail.
We don’t always have control over the outcomes of a situation. But what we do have control over is how we react to them and adapt to the change around us. We are stronger than we lead on durings those moments, and it’s important to remember that.
When I think back two years ago, to the subject matter surrounding this letter, I get chills. I never thought I would be where I am now: with amazing and incredible people in my life, a fantastic career with prospects for growth, a wonderful home environment with my amazing roommates and adorable cat, and reasons to wake up with a smile on my face each morning. I am incredibly grateful to those who remained in my life, and for the new people I’ve added to it.
It’s important to remember where you came from to give yourself reference to who you’ve become. And through support, in many ways, I can finally see that my life was not (and is not) a failure. In fact, since this letter was written, I’ve overcome so many more obstacles and gained more insight than ever before. I’m now able to see what life truly is, which is an ever evolving and constantly changing journey that will always have its ups and downs. You tag along for the rides and enjoy the show! Plus, you get to visually witness personal growth.
That is a rewarding experience all on its own!
If you took the time to read this blog post, my heart is full. This post was slightly more personal than I’ve been on this blog before, but hey! I am a lifestyle blogger, and feelings are a part of life. If you could write yourself a personal inspirational letter, would you?
Let’s continue the discussion (perhaps with a nice cup of coffee, heh.)
And reader, I want to thank you for reading up to this point in the post. Writing is an outlet I am passionate about, but hardly allow myself to do. I hope you enjoyed reading this post, and look forward to reading future blog posts on this site. I will be posting content every Saturday — so mark it on your calendar or even better, subscribe to my blog below so you get alerted when the next post goes live. Also, look out for future blog/vlog videos, exclusive content and just more positive energy to float your way.
Chat again next Saturday!